Welcome to my world!

"You are looking at Autism and I can't tell you if she will ever get married or go to college."
These are the words that were spoken to me 2 years ago this very day, on March 8, 2006. I was sitting in a tiny exam room with my husband and 2 year old daughter, Caroline, we call her Charlie. The Developmental Pediatrician had walked into the room not 2 minutes prior to speaking these words and had only held her hand out to shake mine in introduction. She had not even looked at my precious girl and had only made this diagnosis based on a check list that her PA had given to her.

Now let me say that I knew what was coming. Going back I have to say that there was never a time that I didn't know that this would be a part of our lives. But I will never forget the feeling of being run over by a 250 lb. linebacker. There is just no way to prepare yourself to hear these words.

I left there and cried the entire 2 hours back to our hometown. I prayed and asked God for the strength to stand under this and for the wisdom to know what to do next. But most of all I prayed that He would tell me what to say to my family. I had no idea how anyone else would respond and I felt more alone than I had ever felt in my entire life. As my sweet 2 year old giggled and played in the backseat I began to fear that this was the end of the dream that we as parents had held so sacred. That dream that we all state when we are expecting our babies and someone asks "Do you want a boy or a girl?" Everyone knows the answer to that question. "I don't care, as long as the baby is happy and healthy." That dream felt as though it had been ripped right out from under me.

And then all the sudden I felt a peace. God began to speak to me the words that sustain me even to this day. He reminded me that my child was exactly the same as she had been before we had walked into that office. She was the same child that I had carried for 9 months, nursed for too long :), and had taught almost everything that she knew. Nothing had changed other than that someone had put an official label on her symptoms. I felt God speak to my soul that this was going to be a long, hard road with many twists and turns. He told me that this was not going to be easy for me but especially not for Charlie. But He also told me to hang on because my daughter was going to have one powerful testimony. And that I was going to be a part of that.

So right then and there I gave myself a limit: two days to cry and carry on and wallow in the un-fairness of it all and then I would have to get up, put on my big girl panties so to speak and get moving. I knew that I had a job to do. Charlie needed ME and I was going to rise to that challenge with God's help alone. And that is what I did. Don't get me wrong, I have since fallen down and wallowed a bit in that pit but there is nothing like a beautiful little girl who needs you to pull you back out when you can't find the strength in yourself.

I have been thinking about doing this blog for awhile now but I couldn't help but think that it was a bit presumptuous to think that anyone would be interested in what I have to say about anything. But on this day, exactly two years form being handed what felt like the worst the world had to offer, I am here to say that LIFE GOES ON AND THERE IS HOPE! HOPE BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGINATION! Did you get that? : ) God has worked so many wonders in our lives in two short years that I have to share it to keep from bursting.

This is my passion. My reason for living. To remind others that no matter what is going on in your life, no matter the garbage you feel like you are dealing with there is more there. Keep going. Keep walking when all you want to do is stop. Keep getting up in the morning when all you want to do is pull the covers over your head. I hope that this blog will help my family members near and far to keep in touch and see what wonders Charlie and her big sister Genevieve are a part of now. But I also hope to be a voice to all of those who are just starting their journey on this road. To you: the road is long but it holds more blessing than you can possibly imagine.