Potty Training Success!!!!!!

Praise God, we are almost completely potty trained!

If there was one thing I was putting off over and over again it has been potty training my sweet girl. I would get motivated and begin with training panties. But after a day of crying (Charlie) and a little yelling (I'm sorry to admit, me) I would convince myself that she just wasn't ready. I guess I thought there would be this magical moment when Charlie would come and get me by the hand and indicate that it was time. Not exactly.

Beginning at age 3 I would bring out the potty seat and let Charlie get a good look at it. I wanted it to become a fixture in her life so that there would be no fear around it. So I took it in the bathroom and even put it in her room and in the living room sometimes. I tried putting her on the potty when I went to the bathroom thinking that she would see what was happening and want to emulate. Nope. I thought that with it in her room with all her toys and books that she would sit and relax and nature would take it's course. Nope. I thought that if I put it in the living room in front of one of her favorite "Elmo" movies that she would sit and forget about why she was there and that with time on my side eventually she would "accidentally" go potty. Then I could make a huge fuss cementing the idea that this was a good thing. Nope, nope, nope. Even at three years old, and then later at four, she was way too smart for me. She knew exactly what I was asking of her and there was no way that she was going to lose her "control". So we began the start and stop dance of me bringing out the potty and making her sit on it while she wailed until I either became so unnerved by the screaming or (to be honest) go so tired of the effort it required that the potty would go back in a closet until I was inspired once again.

Cut to our last year in preschool. Charlie is in a class with "typical" kids and has been since she started school at almost 3. She is expected and required to do everything that the other kids do. This has worked remarkably well for us as Charlie has had no choice to assimilate. Her teachers are aware of her limitations and have made allowances when necessary but 95% of the time helps are not needed. The pull-up issue was not really an issue until this year as she moved to a "big kid" class. Everyone in her new class was either completely potty trained or almost there. I was very concerned that her use of pull-ups would reinforce the distinction among the kids that she is different from them. Her teachers understood this and were fully on board with Charlie wearing panties to class 100% of the time and dealing with the consequences. I just wasn't entirely sure that I was ready to deal with the consequences at home.

After an initial orientation time to get Charlie used to all the changes that come with a new year and a new classroom (and a few illnesses thrown in for good measure) in November we went completely pull-upless at school. I was so full of anxiety I can't even say. I was so worried that failure at this would cause Charlie a set back in self-esteem. And I was more than a little afraid that she might be made fun of for having accidents. Boy was I wrong. The other kids barely noticed what was going on with Charlie. Even through the days where she held it for hours and then screamed in pain. One day, she held it so long that she had no choice but to let it come and her teachers ran her to bathroom in an effort to get some in the potty. I was informed that she went for a long time but expressed her anger through the entire thing.

I was sending four outfits to school at a time along with special treats that she could be given when she had a success. But to no avail. She just would not (or could not) cooperate and make it to the potty in time.

I had not yet gone to panties full time at home. Life was getting in the way and I was unsure what to do when I took her out to her other appointments. Go back to pullups then or take her in panties? I was worried this would confuse her or cause her to hold it until we left the house. But eventually I knew that I had to go all the way. In early November, I steeled myself and decided I was fully prepared to take this on. We were going to wear panties all day, deal with the accidents in a calm manner and then at night she could wear "sleeping panties".

The two weeks that followed were a blur of visits to the potty every 10 minutes and cleaning up every manner of bathroom accidents. Charlie would hold everything through all her appointments outside of the house and through our trip to the potty on returning home. Then, she would promptly find a spot in my living room and let er rip. And through the puddles and piles, I would calmly say "uh-oh, this goes in the potty" and we would go to the bathroom and get cleaned up. If there was any of her effort in her panties I would empty it into the potty and have her look. I would tell her again "poo-poo goes in the potty" and then she would flush it. We even got in the habit of saying "bye-bye poo-poo" as we watched it go down.

Then one day, a light shone down from above, the angels sang and all was right with the world. Charlie went to the bathroom on one of her scheduled breaks and all the planets aligned! She pee-peed in the potty! And I have to say that I have never seen that child so proud of herself. She was beaming! We danced and sang and had ourselves a little party. We called everyone we knew and bragged on our accomplishment. She picked whatever treat she wanted and all was right with the world. It just took that long for her to put all the pieces in the right order in her head.

Following this there were a handful of accidents and poo-poo is taking a bit longer but now, fully 6 weeks later, we no longer have any wet accidents. Often Charlie is holding her BMs and going as soon as her sleeping panties are put on but we are having a measure of success with this also now. She is even coming to me and telling me "potty!" when she needs to go. So amazing! This has translated over to school and to her appointments outside of the house as well as long as I don't expect her to sit on a big potty without a potty seat covering it. That fear of falling in is a powerful thing!

With each year that went by that we were still using diapers, I despaired a little more that we were always going to stick out like a sore thumb. There is not much more apparent than the one 5 year old in the group who is wearing a diaper. But after tackling this head on and remaining calm and matter-of-fact no matter what I had to clean up, Charlie overcame what has been said to be one of the greatest obstacles of Autism. I have never been so proud. And more importantly, Charlie has never been so proud of herself!