3 years!

Today marks three years since the day that my baby girl was diagnosed with Autism. It is a birthday of sorts. This is the day that my family started becoming exactly who and what we are supposed to be.

In the three years since our world started to fall apart, my husband and I have tried to help it along at least 10,000 times. Having a child with special needs puts a strain on a marriage like nothing else. In addition to all the normal, day in and day out worries that a marriage endures, we also have to worry about fighting with insurance companies; disagreeing with school districts, teachers, therapists and anyone else who comes along and thinks that they know our child better than us; whether our "typical " child is getting enough attention and if not how do we fix that; and where in the world is the money going to come from that we need for the interventions that we KNOW are going to help? Add all that to "What exactly is a date again?" and you have a recipe for disaster.

We have been there so many times that I can tell you exactly what the bottom of the barrel looks like, smells like and feels like. It is burned into my memory and I pray that I never forget any of those things. It is those memories that have FINALLY propelled us forward. We have gotten so tired of screaming at each other and each blaming the other one for our pain that there was nowhere to go but up. We have finally invited God into our marriage. Not just to be there for each of us when something goes wrong. God is actually in the middle, binding us together tighter than we have ever been before. Inviting Him in and making Him the third (and most vital) part of our relationship has changed the way that we deal with each other and, I think, even the way that we see each other.

Do we still fall apart on a regular basis? Absolutely, but during those times, the other one of us is a bit more able to not take a bad day so personally. I admit that my husband is much better at this than I am. His change in dealing with hurt feelings has come quite dramatically. Mine, well, let's just say that God is working on me a little more slowly. My change has come more from understanding that when a man responds in a way that is contrary to the way that I thought he should have responded, it is not to confound me. He is who he is. He is a man and men are different than women (thank you, Lord!).

Our kids are reaping the benefits. Everyone has unclenched a little and home is a better place to be. My girls are finally seeing a good model of a wife and they are learning exactly what to look for in a man.

Are we finished? No way. Are we better able to face what's coming? No doubt. And now that God is a permanent member of the family we look forward to what's ahead!